Sunday, December 8, 2013

Suck It, Icepocalypse. I'm Going To... Sealy?

     In case you didn't know (or don't have a radio, or a television, or an internet, or a chatty neighbor), North Texas (where I live) is in the grip of a freak ice storm. And by "freak ice storm" I mean "this is normal weather for more than half the United States this time of year, but we're Texans and ice freaks us the shit out." I have literally been holed up for the last three days, not daring to venture out for fear that the ice is alive, and angry, and wants to eat me. Zombie Cannibal Ice; that's the kind of shit we're dealing with here, you guys.

     But tomorrow, come hell or high water or Zombie Cannibal Ice, I'm getting in the car and driving south. I'm shooting a commercial for an unnamed gas station chain.

Unnamed gas station chain.

     Now when I initially booked this spot, my agent told me it would be shooting in San Antonio, and I was all over that, because San Antonio kicks ass. Then I got a call from the production manager, and she told me that we weren't going to be shooting in San Antonio so much as we were going to be shooting in Sealy, Texas. And also that we weren't actually going to be anywhere near San Antonio. I suppose it's possible that my agent misunderstood, and actually thought the commercial would be shot in San Antonio. Except for the whole part where Sealy sounds NOTHING AT ALL like San Antonio. So the more likely explanation is that my agent lied to me. And, frankly, after I finally found Sealy on a map, I can't blame her. 

     The only thing I can tell you about Sealy, Texas, is that it's where the Sealy Mattress Company was started in 1881, back when they made mattresses out of cotton and Presbyterians. The census in 2010 was a little over 6,000, and I'm pretty sure all of those people are unaware they are allowed to leave, if they want to.

     So I'm packing the laptop and headed for Mattressville. I'll be reporting from location, so check back soon. And if you live in the Houston area, and you see a flare go up in the sky to the west, COME AND GET MY ASS, because things will have gone horribly wrong in Sealy, and I'll need an extraction. It's not like I'm asking you to bail me out of a Mexican jail.

     I totally might ask you to bail me out of a Mexican jail.

     Later, guys.

     

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