Equal Opportunity Stupid.

Sometimes, natural selection misses a golden opportunity.

     I first read about this incident here at The Huffington Post. At a festival in Costa Rica, a woman got tossed by a bull. No, the bull was not loose on the town, running around the streets and terrorizing women and children. No, the bull did not charge into a cantina and randomly select some chick to fuck up. No, the woman was not riding the bull, as they do in rodeos, where professional bull riders do that kind of shit for money. Here is my favorite blurb from the article:

     "At the Zapote Bull Festival in Costa Rica this past week, a bystander standing inside the ring had quite the scare when a bull, released from its pen, charged straight for her."

     Let's all agree to one thing, and just one thing, right off the bat. If you are at a Costa Rican bull festival, where bulls are clearly involved, and you are standing inside the bull ring, YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING BYSTANDER. You are a lot of things: drunk, high, delusional, suicidal maybe. But you are not standing by. 

     It's not like this woman was on the corner, focused on rolling her own cigarette, because in the long run it's cheaper, and money's tight these days, and then some bull just comes running up behind her, while she's standing there, minding her own damn business, rolling her own damn cigarette, and this bull - for no reason at all - plants his horns between her ass cheeks and tosses her fifteen feet into the air. Any bull who did that - especially on a busy street corner - would be a real asshole.

     But this bull was in a bull ring. The one goddam place in the world that bulls are actually supposed to be, because that's the name of the ring. If it was called a Person Ring, or a Lady Ring, or a Vagina Circle, then, yes, the bull would be completely out of place. But she was in the one place in the world she definitely was not supposed to be, because she was not wearing a matador's outfit, with the tiny jacket and the spangly pants and the Mickey Mouse ears. 

Like so. And she didn't have that giant bulge in her pants, either. Which is probably a potato. Or a tumor.

     You actually only need to watch the first eleven seconds of the video to see what happens to this lady (and I use that term in its broadest possible sense). Then they replay the scene, like, a gajillion times. In case you didn't actually watch the video in its entirety, the woman - incredibly - wasn't seriously hurt. They even interview her after they get her to her feet, but I can't understand any of it, because it's in Spanish. But unless she's saying something along the lines of, "It's a good thing I'm so fucked up on tequila, or that might have really hurt," or "How in holy hell did I get in a bull ring? Last thing I remember, I was eating frozen yogurt," then she made a choice to get in a bull ring, with an actual bull, an animal who only does two things: 1) have sex with cows; and 2) fuck shit up. Now, you can call that a person who is participating in a time-honored tradition of her culture. I call that a person who is wasting perfectly good oxygen that the rest of us need, because we have something to live for.

p.s. I just watched all the way to the end of the video, where they present this woman with one of those big novelty checks for fifty thousand colons (Costa Rican dollars). And then I went to a currency calculator, where I learned that one colon is worth about twenty cents American. So I take it all back. Getting ass-jacked by an angry bull to win $99?

     Totally worth it.