Grocery Sacker; Skating Rink DJ; AM Radio DJ; Martial Arts Instructor; Infantryman; Bouncer; Insurance Salesman; Bodyguard; Standup Comic; Professional Actor; Musician; Writer...
And Now, Add:
Badass Medieval Chancellor On Horseback!
My whole life, I've loved make-believe and horses. The first time I ever sat in the saddle was thanks to my friend Paul V. and his family, who owned some land and a few horses out in Montgomery. Her name was Snow, and she was a beautifully dappled Appaloosa. Two things stand out most from that first ride: 1) I experienced a kind of natural joy I'd never known before, the kind that exists only between horse and rider; and 2) my balls had never known such agony. (At least not until I had my first real make-out session, which is a very different kind of ball-agony.)
I always wanted to eventually have some land and horses of my own, but make-believe won the day, and I chased my whimsy of being an honest-to-goodness actor. I got in the saddle whenever I could, which wasn't nearly enough. But every so often, your worlds collide in a good way (and I am no-shit overdue for a good kind of collision). About a month ago a friend of mine asked if I would think about auditioning for a little place called...
And today I was given my official title: Lord Chancellor of the Tournament. Now, before you start thinking that I'm about to go jousting, and fighting with swords, and maces, and other crazy-ass Game of Thrones kind of shit, calm down. The Lord Chancellor is the Master of Ceremonies. Basically, I'm the medieval version of Johnny Carson. But on a horse. I now get to feed my twin monkeys of entertaining crowds AND riding horses. And I get a paycheck for it. Are you fucking kidding me?
Oh, I'm still going to work in front of a camera. And behind a microphone. And I'm definitely going to keep writing. In fact, you'll likely be reading here about my adventures in the castle. And hopefully not too many of those stories will be about how badly my balls hurt.