1. If we're playing Uno and I throw down a wild card and call "Blue!," and then on your turn YOU throw down another wild card and call "BLUE!," you haven't actually helped yourself. At all.
2. A pomegranate is a type of fruit; it is NOT a type of dog.
3. Non-alcoholic egg nog, by definition, means that there's no alcohol in it. Because that's what non-alcoholic means.
4. Black Friday is not a "racial thing."
5. The Dallas Cowboys and the Texas Longhorns are NOT the same football team. Nor do they ever play each other. And if they WERE the same team, they REALLY couldn't play each other.
6. Falling asleep during a board game is not a strategy.
7. My name is Larry. I am not the guy who is married to your daughter, and also she happens to be my sister. We're not from Arkansas. And we will wear name tags if it helps.
Turkey up, y'all.