First Post, or How I Said "Sh*t" in my Web Address and Got Away With It

Hi. I’m Larry. I make shit up. Most of the shit on this blog is not made up. Though some of it may be exaggerated for comedic effect. Or if exaggeration makes me look wise, brave, or attractive. I really am a working actor. I really was on a 90’s era family television show called Wishbone, and that show really did win a George Foster Peabody Award, The Television Critics Association Award (twice), and four Emmy Awards (though, to be truthful, they were Daytime Emmys, so take that into consideration). I’ve really been in more commercials than I can remember, mostly for my ability to look confused, or defeated. I really did start doing stand-up comedy at age 16, three years after my father honest-to-God blew his brains out in a shitty little trailer in Conroe, Texas.I really was the class clown in every grade and in every school I attended, because humor (or so I have been told by people with letters after their names and couches for you to lie on) was, and remains, my coping mechanism. And whiskey. Good whiskey. Why did I start this first post with “I make shit up?” The first reason is it’s an attention-grabber. At least, it is in my head. The second reason is that making shit up is how I survived childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. I even wound up making a living at it. When your life starts to suck at an early age, the two things you need most – even more than comic books and rock n’ roll – are humor, and a hell of an imagination. The humor allows you to have something akin to a social life; people are more apt to let you hang around if you’re funny. (Counter-point: you wind up being “friends” with girls when you’re funny, which guarantees that you will at least be around girls, even while you are not getting laid by those girls.) And the imagination gives you some place to go. Some place that cannot be invaded, or conquered, or dismissed by any person, or any event. Humor and imagination. These are the seeds of a life. So my understanding among the blogosphere, which is a word that I just learned is an actual word, is that bloggers follow blogs because they want something. They want to learn something, or be part of a community that is for or against something, or simply have a laugh and realize that there are people in the blogosphere waaaaay more fucked up than they are. Which makes them feel better about themselves. And their porn habit. What's on offer here, dear reader, is a life that has been lived, and is still being lived, by the seat of the writer's pants. I think it's funny, except for the parts where it's God-awful and tragic, which are still interesting and, as mentioned, might just make you feel like you've got your shit a little more together than some of us.

Except I've ridden a llama, motherfucker. I hope you'll think I'm funny, and that I have some interesting things to say, and a particular voice. And, yeah, I use swear words. I'm not trying to be edgy or shocky, and also I'm well aware that "shocky" is not an actual word, but if Subway can call their cheese "melty" then it's all over with, anyway. It's just that swear words are part of my lexicon. If you're easily offended (and here's a quick test: shitfuckdamnpisshell. If you're reaching for your mouse, this isn't the blog for you), then you should probably not only NOT follow me, you should tell your friends that I'm evil, and probably Democrat, and almost certainly gay. At the very least I'll get a quick bump in hits, and might even get a couple more followers. That's if I'm understanding "negative publicity" correctly, which I'm probably not. All I was really trying to say was I swear sometimes. If it bothers you, go check out this guy. He probably never swore in his life (though if "philatelist" doesn't sound just a little like "phallus" to your ear, you maybe should get them checked. Or maybe I should stop looking for words that sound like "phallus.") I'm by nature an optimist. My catch-phrase, if I had one, would probably be something like, If you can't be a shining example, you can at least be a cautionary tale. I can't promise you'll learn anything from regular visits here, except what NOT to do a lot of the time in your own life. (Example: cumin is not an acceptable substitute for cinnamon when your daughter asks for cinnamon toast.)I'll be on as often as I can, as I still do the acting thing, and all that other shit that we all do every day that constitutes a life lived. And I almost forgot the most important thing, which is how I got away with saying "shit" in my web address. When I tried www.makingshitup.blogspot.com they said "no fuckin' way," not those words exactly but you knew that's what they meant. But I'm part (okay a LOT) Irish, and we spell that word just a little differently. So, if you go to www.makingshiteup.blogspot.com, you will find my blog, and not, as some may presume, the website for the Irish National Tourism Board.(Though that would be awesome, and I would totally sell them my web domain name for cash and some Jameson.) So there you go. I am brand new to this endeavor, which means I don't know a damn thing about how to make a blog look interesting or exciting, or simply not sucky (see "melty"). But I'll work on it. Until then, enjoy me riding victorious upon a llama.