Famous People Like Christmas Specials, Too.

   And THAT got us just excited as shit, didn't it, kids?

     

     Ah, holiday television. And holiday movies. And that crazy CBS bumper that told us we were about to see something SPECIAL. I think maybe the first boner I ever got was the first time that particular animation rolled across the family television screen. (But that might also have happened because one of my cute girl cousins was over. I'll never know for sure, but it was an exciting time.)

     But it seems it's not enough these days for us simple folk to reminisce about our favorite holiday shows and movies from childhood, or even adulthood. Because what's really important is what holiday shows and movies do FAMOUS people enjoy?  That's what we need to know: which specials are most watched by the paparazzi-hounded, misunderstood, oh-they're-just-like-us-except-for-their-money-and-fame-and-plastic-surgery crowd. Well, who am I to get in the way of what the culture demands? If you want to know what the famous are eating, or wearing, or watching, or screwing, it's your right as an American to have that information. I'm pretty sure it's in the Constitution, wedged in between your right to bear arms, and your right to publicly say the most dumbass things you can imagine, that have no basis in fact or truth or reason. 

     My issue with the celebrities that are being interviewed for these articles is that they are too accessible. They all have Facebook pages and Twitter and Instagram accounts, and they give you their opinions, anyway. Not for you, my faithful readers. I have gone out of my way to track down the hard-to-reach, never-grants-an-interview celebrities, the ones that are truly famous. These people are noteworthy for deeds, not words, but I got an exclusive quote from each one of them for this post. And it's all 100 percent true BECAUSE IT'S ON THE INTERNET. Here then, are some of history's most cherished icons, sharing with you the holiday movies and tv shows that make them feel all warm and fuzzy inside:

"When I was a kid, nothing could beat 'Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!' I actually learned to dance by imitating the scene in which all the characters are practicing for the Christmas play, while Schroeder plays his little toy piano. And the sight of Charlie Brown picking that lonely little tree to take home and decorate still brings a tear to my eye. I mean, it would. If  I were still alive." - Abraham Lincoln

"Definitely 'The Sound of Music.' And no, not because it's a Jewish thing. Julie Andrews was hot. Hell, even in Mary Poppins she was hot. Am I right?" - Albert Einstein

"I was a huge fan of all the Rankin-Bass produced claymation specials. 'Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer,' 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town,' and my favorite had to be 'The Year Without a Santa Claus.' I know every word and note to the 'Snow Miser / Heat Miser Song.' In fact, I used to open all my speeches with it, just to loosen the crowds up. Those were good times. - Mahatma Gandhi

"Well, I'm a bit sentimental, so I suppose 'It's A Wonderful Life.' A lot of people assume I would be fond of  'The Stars Wars Christmas Special' from 1978. But to be quite frank, that was the worst piece of shit anybody ever had the balls to put on television. I felt like we owed the galaxy an apology after that." - Obi Wan Kenobi

"Polar Express, bitches!!!" - Marie Antoinette

"ELF. Because brightly colored tights are awesome, comfortable, and completely not gay." - The Justice League of America

          And there you have it. The last word on holiday specials from some of the greatest people the world has ever known, living, or dead, or completely made up. And all completely true, because you read it ONLINE. 

     Post your favorite holiday show or film in the Comments section. And Merry Christmas, y'all.